YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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