i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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