so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize