tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
