Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
