careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
