I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
