Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
