Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
