She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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