She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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