There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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