craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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