it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
