If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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