Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
