see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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