when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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