things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he had hair everywhere except his balls
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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