Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
