if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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