The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
