Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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