Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
