i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
