See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
