He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize