how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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