Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i now understand why vodka
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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