i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
