I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
