It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
