dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
God, I missed his penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
