I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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