11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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