she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My dick has a subreddit
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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