Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
