if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
