There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to have your abortion
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
