I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
