dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize