He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
