Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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