So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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