Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
