So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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