Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
