My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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