you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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