hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
