hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
