Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He felt like a one man threesome
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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