Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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