i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
