I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
