I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
