You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
