shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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