Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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