Just fell off a train. Bad.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
