morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wear drunk well.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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