It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
