I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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