I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
