did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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