Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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