I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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