You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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