Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
