you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
