? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
