Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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