My room smells like vodka and shame
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
