he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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