I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We left an ass print on the piano.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
