my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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