if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
