meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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