I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
