If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
