Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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