How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
