hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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