If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
