That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
