I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
