clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
