I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
