By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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